Saturday, January 16, 2010

Almost Over You – January 13, 2010, 1:07am

True friendship stays through the years. It stand still even when everything in this world ends. Well, it seems true to me. It is my reality. But everything is upside down when this true friendship is being shared by ex-lovers.

Why can’t it be? So I tried. A little spark that is left with me grew. It grew mightier and brighter than any stars above me. Until (I’ve realized that), it conquered all in me (heart, mind & even body). Yes, it’s a pure intention of friendship, most especially, when I have known that he has responsibilities already.

But sharing our lives became an addiction (at least, my addiction). I secretly wish a more frequent communication, at the same time, I pursued to be distant. Not until he asked me to add him in my facebook. I was stubborn to continue the friendship so I added him. My secret wish came true because we communicate often after that acceptance in facebook. We even shared games which causes additional addiction to me. Is it the games that I’ve got addicted or it’s sharing the games with him? I’m missing him always that leads me to always play the games to see him around. But things became worse. I’m missing him more than I could bear. It’s like, I’m attached to him again… with my dreams and with my future. Throughout those times, we refrain to be emotionally intimate again. Both of us initiate to keep distance whenever the cup of emotions overflows. But we’re just human and we can’t resist the happiness it gives when emotion is being shared. That was just a week ago.

And I can’t be a home wrecker! If there’s any problem with their relationship, I don’t want to get involved with. And more, I don’t want to come in between them. I still wish reconciliation between them. But this will be hard if I’m still around. And we tend to lean in each others’ arms.

Seeing his email in my inbox is like winning the lottery. Unfortunately, it was drawn yesteryears and cannot be claimed anymore. But then, it feels so great! My heart found a secret happiness. But it will only grow worse standing still on the same ground. So, I sent 2 quotes to live by, which I, myself, have created. He understood the message and he agreed. I’m in mixed emotions. I know that it’s the very best thing to do but I will miss my past love. I may never take back the time of great love but I can move forward. And this is the great gift I could give for everybody. This is it! I will always love my Mabuest. But despite of standing on the same ground, I wanna take two steps forward and another two steps to the right. And if ever I will step back, I will never be on the same ground again. At least for now I can say, I am ALMOST OVER YOU.

Friday, January 1, 2010

With sparkling hope - January 1, 2010, 1:53 a.m.

"A new beginning with sparkling hope of better tomorrow." This is my new year's wish text message to my nephew, Keizen, and my great friend, Boiet. In this year of Tiger, I have welcome it by reflecting more deeply the facts about life.

I saw people everywhere from different walks of life, celebrating New Year far from their homes. There are lovers, peer groups and families. They're here to watch a concert in welcoming the New Year. There are great numbers who are even carrying their toddlers and babies (of less than 1 year old). Their life is not my life and I will never choose it that way. Hence today, I am making an oath for my own life. When God permits that I can have my own family, I shall give my very best effort to celebrate the Christmases and New Years with the whole family, most especially if my siblings are not yet married. It is not about preparing the extravagant food but rather the spirit of togetherness and the happiness being with each other.

Haayyzzz... I am now dreaming having a family of my own. But hopefully, it's not another long distance relationship. Though I don't fear distance, I just value more those times of relating with each other personally.

On top of all these, I will fight for my own family's welfare and good relationship. May God continue to bless me with a good heart and good eyes to see only the great things in others... in the world.

Godspeed & Happy New Year!

By the way, I love the fireworks display. It feels like billions of stars are sparkling above me. I always love the fireworks display. But still nothing compares being at home, with my dearest family.